"To Do Before I Die" List -

August every other year is my target date for new cancer re-occurrence. So I've been dreading this month. July is when we usually start the tests and biopsies, and this July brought tests and doctors - concerns about acid reflux and an ulcer on the roof of my mouth. Thankfully, my tests have turned out the best they possibly could have this year. My "only" problem now is Acid Reflux. I need to learn how to deal with it, and eventually cure myself of it. My projects include studying acid/alkaline balance and what I should be eating. I can do that. (and I do have meds)

I firmly believe that one of the main reasons I'm still here is because of my "list." As a child, my lifetime ambition was to see Vermont in the fall because I'd seen a movie when I was 8 years old named "What Happened to Harry?" that was filmed in Vermont in the fall, and it was gorgeous!

Well, I 1994 I was blessed to tour the east coast for 3 weeks with the highlight being Vermont in the fall....and it was fabulous! When I got home I told my daughter that I could die happy now...to which she replied...."Don't you dare! You find something else to want!" So I said okay, I guess I'd like to see Hawaii.....which I did in 1997. She has made sure I have a continuous list.

My listing ventures started in 1994, nine years before cancer. So I had my list before I had to be tough and determined. My list has continued to grow.

I tell her now that if I have to live long enough to do everything on my list, I'll be living forever!

Honestly, I'm sure this list is one of the reasons I've been so determined to keep on breathing.
I always told my health care providers that I still had alot to do. I don't mind the thought of dying at all...I'm ready any time, but there were still some urgent things on that list.

Most of the people I've been around now have their own "to do" lists....and they let me know when they've accomplished something, or added something new to their list. They all seem to be grateful that they realized the value of knowing what you most what to do, or have, or be. It's a gauge for how you are accomplishing your mission in life. I'm very proud to have helped them enrich their lives.

When you know what others have on their lists, you may be able to help them accomplish something that is important to them.

My list has small things, medium sized things, big things, and lots of travel. For last Christmas my niece decided she wanted to do something on my list for me.....so she has gifted me a trip to California! She lives right on the coast. We plan to go whale-watching; drive up Highway 1; take in Fisherman's Wharf and her local highlights; spend a couple days in San Francisco to ride the cable car, see Chinatown, Ghiradelli's, the Japanese Tea Gardens, the Golden Gate and San Francisco Bay Bridges, all the highlights of San Francisco. How exciting?? But I wouldn't be doing this had it not been on my list. We go next week and I'll be there for 10 days!!

I have many, many things on my list and I'm prioritizing and determining how I can accomplish each....one step at a time we can accomplish great things.

You don't need to be dying to plan how you can be living in and treasuring every moment you breathe...for however long you live.

I challenge you to make your own list.....have lots of fun with it. I promise you will "see" your life more clearly and live it more vibrantly!

So, What's on your list?

Updates

New resources have been added to the website.

Links have been updated.

Please let me know if there is particular information you'd like.

Blessings,
Cynthia

Let Me Introduce Myself -

"There’s no easy way to tell you this.....you have cancer." And my heart went thud! The doctor didn’t really have to tell me, I kinda knew it....but didn’t want to know it. That was August 2003.

I have gorgeous twin granddaughters, and I’m so grateful they like me. One was spending seven weeks with me that summer. I felt a golf ball sized lump in my left armpit, so of course I knew that wasn’t good, and decided to go to the doctor as soon as Amber went home. My local office, did the mammogram and sonogram and got me right into the breast specialist/surgeon in Hays. (That’s Kansas)...Dr. Kelly, who is renouned in this area of expertise.

My other granddaughter, Bridgette, was then staying with me. She was in Health Academy at school; that’s advanced classes for kids with a medical interest. She asked if she could observe the biopsy. I told her "Sure, but it would be gorey." Dr. Kelly didn’t have to send anything in, it was quite obvious, and that was when she gave me the news. Leaving the office, Bridgette said, "I think that’s the kind of doctor I want to be." So then I knew there were a purpose in my cancer mission. I mentally said, "Thank you, God, and now I know why."
Dr. January Fields is my Oncologist. They determined that my treatment would be a series of chemo first to try to shrink the tumors. I had a lump in my breast, and the obvious in my armpit.

There was no delay, my port was implanted and I had the first chemo treatment. My daughter was here for that with me. Yes, it is nauseating even with special meds to help with that. I live 100 miles from that facility. It was three weeks between chemo sessions.

One of my sisters took me for my second chemo session. We spent the night at a motel there. The next morning, showering was one of the most traumatic events of my life! My hair had started falling out, but in the shower my hair came out by the handsful. What didn’t fall out, matted and had to be cut off. Then it was obvious why the support staff made sure I had a wig.
The first chemo treatments were a series of four, three weeks apart. Followed by surgery. Chemo hadn’t done much to shrink the tumors. Dr. Kelly did a fabulous job on my surgery. I had a lumpectomy and she removed 20 lumph nodes; 13 were malignant...and it had spread slightly outside...making it stage 3 plus. After I got home from surgery my 95 year old Mother died. Then I started another series of chemo treatments with different drugs. Four of them, three weeks apart. Equally horrible, but different side effects. These drugs caused intense pain. It felt like someone had a vise-grip on every one of my fingers, and my big toes. My fingernails popped up and I had to be very careful not to catch the edges and rip them off. Nausea continued too. Mostly I sat and suffered. My sister who lives here kept a watchful eye on me and took me wherever I needed to go. I kept getting weaker as the drugs were killing the cancer cells....and all my other cells too.

Then it was time for radiation. That was every weekday for seven weeks. I stayed at the motel in Hays. My sister and her husband had taken my car down and I was able to drive to my daily treatments. They brought me home every other weekend. My radiologist was also wonderful....I have an awesome team of doctors. When he started, he sat me down to tell me that my surgeon had done a really good job, and my oncologist had done a really good job, and he would do the best he could but that my cancer was so advanced that he couldn’t promise me anything.

I only had four more radiation treatments to go, but didn’t feel good that morning...in fact I felt so horrible they took me up to emergency. Tests showed double pneumonia, dangerously low potassium and imbalanced electrolytes. So, I was admitted to the hospital, and my daughter and son both came to be with me. My belly bloated like a frog...and they were cramming protein down me. They insisted on giving me two bags of blood. I finished my radiation treatments from the hospital, and they let me go home with double pneumonia.

My son drove me home on his 37th birthday. He was able to stay with me - what a blessing. At this point I was so weak I literally couldn’t stand up longer than 10 seconds. Not fun.
That was May 4, 2004.

In July they decided it was necessary to drain the fluid from my lung (the worse one) and relieved me of 760 cc’s of fluid....that’s a lot. It took me until Sept. to get over the pneumonia. I’m stubborn....still had a very long "to do before I die" list!

For Thanksgiving my kids all came, and I got a pinched siatic nerve (on both sides). They came for Christmas, and I got Shingles. All the while, I was working with physical therapists, massage therapists, and nutritionists in the process of regaining some strength.

That got me through til May 2005. Lymphodema seemed to be my most obtrusive side effect. When they remove lymph nodes the rest of your body tries to "fix" things, and my arm swells.
(FYI-A Lymphasizer machine, and Kinesio taping helps me most with that problem.)

The mammogram that spring showed some areas of concern and more biopsies were done, but the final analysis was okay. BUT, come August 2005...things had changed, and that breast was cancerous and required a mastectomy. They had already done as much chemo and radiation as they felt they could for me, and neither of those treatments liked me very well. However, this cancer, they told me was equally horrible, but completely different...and this kind should respond to medication. So, they prescribed Femara, which is very expensive, has side effects, and acts to block estrogen, and can hopefully help prevent this second type of cancer, even though nothing can block the first kind should it reoccur. My doctors have all told me it’s my positive attitude that has kept me alive! I think it’s played a part, and the power of prayers offered by my huge support system, and God’s timing. I’m "ready to go" whenever I’m called. Meanwhile.....

That’s my story. I’m a two-time cancer survivor. I still have a very long "to do before I die" list! August is my target month, 2007, is the one to watch out for. This year I felt the need to "look at" the Relay for Life. I’d never been willing to admit there was anything "wrong" with me...that would be like saying I’m defective....and I’d never admit to being defective....weird, yes, definitely. So weird in fact that I actually consider cancer to be a blessing....to have met all the people I wouldn’t have met otherwise who have been a blessing to me, and I to them (so they told me). It was when people were telling me they had walked for me; that I had a luminary bag in the walk at Austin, TX; that I had two luminary bags in the walk at Parsons....I began to feel that it IS important to "survive well." I made that Survivor’s lap with other blessed survivors...and I AM ABUNDANTLY BLESSED! So it is, and I Thank You, God!!!

This blog is in conjunction with the website: http://LymphedemaInfo.homestead.com

Both are presented for the purpose of support and discussion for lymphedema concerns.